Beau Wolff posted a comment on Saturday 2nd June 2007 3:47am

My compliments: you have the same delicacy of touch with your characters and settings as does Jane Feather.

Sheyana posted a comment on Friday 1st June 2007 11:47pm

Ahh, you should have seen my eyes light up as I realised 'Happily Ever After' was a Jane Austen fic. - now I won't always have to search anywhere else for my quick P&P fix.

Great work - you managed to avoid my pet hate, which is glaringly obvios modern language (or even slang) in what is meant to be a regency text.

The story sucked me in, and I look forward to the next chapter. Just a little nit-pick. I'm not entirely certain it would have been 'proper' for Lizzy to be in a sickroom (or any room) alone with Darcy for any length of time.

I was also hit by the surprising coincidence that had the Gardiner's asking for her when she wanted to visit them so much - but as a previous reviewer said, it probably wouldn't be that unlikely.

Anyway, off to read your other story - keep up the good work!

Lady Alchymia posted a comment on Friday 1st June 2007 7:25pm

You have a lovely sense of period phrasing within your language, Pamela. It can be a hard thing to tap into, so well done!

You might even go a little further with creating a sense of distance in time by avoiding contractions like can’t, won’t, don’t, isn’t etc. I have no idea when such contractions started (and they probably do pre-date Austen), but to a modern ear ‘do not’, ‘cannot’, ‘will not’, ‘is not’ etc help the reader feel they are connecting with a period that is not their own. You also had some lovely antiquated words scattered in the mix. I particularly liked upbraided.

Compound, complex sentences also ring true for Austen, and you had some good examples of sentence complexity. I wouldn't mind seeing a few more.

The tone was a little sombre, though that is appropriate considering the severity of the situation. There were the beginnings of smiles (from me) at different points, which is good. For example, Mrs Bennet’s remarks about Lydia, and the Colonel and Elizabeth discussing his thin pretence for being in Meryton. I think that might be something to develop further, for some of the best bits in P&P are the snide little remarks and witty observations delivered as interrupters.

Nicely done! Thank you for posting!

Lady A

Tarkas posted a comment on Friday 1st June 2007 6:33pm

Nicely done. A very neat reworking of the original events, and original in my experience in setting the reunion/sickbed in London rather than Derbyshire.

At first sight, the Gardiners' fortuitous summons struck me as a bit of a deus ex machina, but on reflection, it made sense -- perhaps a slight rework of that bit is in order to establish that the Gardiners are also affected by the fever before their request for Lizzy is mentioned? Just a suggestion.

The characters, as in all good Austenfic, are the best part of this story. Everyone from the sly, charming and yet slightly gormless Colonel Fitzwilliam through the distraught Darcys to the somewhat mercurial Grace -- whom I foresee receiving a new job as Lizzy's maid once all is well -- is presented very deftly. As, of course is the immortal Lizzy, whose only drawback is that she is so beloved that it can be hard for an author not to present her as Superwoman -- which, I hasten to add, you have not done here, though it is easy to see why Darcy loves her.

So, all in all, well done, and I look forward to more.

T.Zukumori posted a comment on Friday 1st June 2007 3:29pm

I remember reading "Pride & Prejudice" as an English language requirement in high school, and though I admit to enjoying the most recent remake a few years ago starring Keira Knightly, I am pleasantly surprised at how thoroughly I was able to indulge in your writing.

I am impressed not only with the concise and efficient manner by which you articulate the characters and craft the imagery of the setting, but also with the fluid ease that you exhibit within the established idiom. Your exposition and dialog successfully convey elegant expression without florid excess.

Again, I enjoyed this chapter and look forward to future installments. My compliments to you, your husband and any other pre-readers involved.

Kind regards,
-T.Zukumori