Brigrove posted a comment on Tuesday 10th March 2009 2:47am

nice end scene there. Oh and a pity he didn't blow Snape away, but we can't have everything. About time someone showed Dumbledore where he was wrong too

Brigrove posted a comment on Monday 9th March 2009 5:41pm

The scenes with Molly in the hospital were brilliant and very touching, as was Harry's letter to "his family" via Penny.

I loved the confrontation with Dumbledore and the others over Spell Mongering.

A great chapter

Brigrove posted a comment on Monday 9th March 2009 3:56pm

The whole long first half of this chapter was frankly hard work. I felt like Ron trying to read through Hogwarts, a History.
FAR too much of the flashbacks and background story to the point when I began to wonder if you were ever going to get on with the story.
Only the fact that up to now this has been an exciting story despite the textbook style being used far too often stopped me from simply giving up. The chapter really needs a total re-edit.

Even the aftermath of the potions accident was drawn out - In most cases nothing much happened, but you took a long time basically telling us that.

The battle was okay, but it's impact was lost after ploughing through the earlier parts of the chapter.

Brigrove posted a comment on Monday 9th March 2009 8:09am

whew powerful, especially the conclusion of the chapter

Anansii posted a comment on Thursday 5th March 2009 6:05pm

Just discovered and read this story. Goodness - Harry Potter Magical Hacker, Venture Capitalist, Diplomat, Politician and deadliest fighter in the magical world - and all in one summer! This is fun; keep up the good work!

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Monday 2nd March 2009 6:15am

I've wondered about your presentation of Wizard politics. It is rather odd that it is so unrepresentative. Even the Muggles have the House of Commons to balance the House of Lords. One might say that the Muggles have advanced beyond the Wizards (plausible given dress, etc.), yet your Wizarding world is more advanced (e.g., the Magna Magicae Carta was the predecessor and model for the Magna Carta). Further, even the Muggle House of Lords has a minority of inherited seats. Absent a totalitarian form of government, I am surprised there has not been a rebellion long ago of the "commoners" against such a biased system (particularly since Muggle-borns and Half-bloods tend to be more powerful -- and more plentiful?). Well, at least Harry and Arthur seem to be planning a change.
What happened to Umbridge's vote? She controlled Arthur's 46, which were returned to him, and forfeited hers. Shouldn't Arthur, as part of the punishment contol her vote, at least until she (if she can) pays the term of the punishment.
I continue to be amazed that Fudge is still hanging on to his power. The great embarrassment his continued failures (in canon only the revelation that Harry was telling the truth about Voldemort's return was necessary to unseat him) presents would surely have turned many (if not most) of the middle-roaders against him (with the exception of Umbridge and Sheets and maybe a few other of their ilk). How many votes do Sheets and Fudge carry if Harry with 27 is second to Umbridge's 47? I would also imagine the return of the Weasley votes would also carry a lot of middle-roaders away from the Sheets-Fudge cabal that is no longer a majority.
It seems likely that Sheets will now be forced to direct violence. And that should lead badly to her demise (at least in terms of loss of votes). Sheet's threats may have cowed many Wizengamot members from opposing the cabal. But the repeated failures (3 now) should make many braver to oppose her; her bark is certainly seen to be far worse than her bite.
Next up? Dawlish's big mistake and swift end under Harry. (BTW, if Dawlish is an auror; I'm surprised Bones, the DMLE director, hasn't put him under investigation -- ah, of course, Fudge is all powerful).

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Monday 2nd March 2009 1:39am

Quite the amazing battle. Will it make Fudge change his tune? Somehow I doubt it.
I see nothing about the Weasley's votes. I'm surprised that Harry hasn't at least visited (or Owled) Tonks & Tonks to investigate the 10 generations. Perhaps I'm wrong, but that looks like too strong a foreshadowing for Miss Newcastle to be wrong. I'm surprised Harry is dense on this point.

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Friday 27th February 2009 5:42am

I enjoyed the Microsoft Bashing. But I'm not much into the "Oh, isn't it cute to turn a famous, successful personage of note into a Wizard." In canon Wizards hide themselves thoroughly from Muggles (and muddling through is not necessarily an insult), so it's rather AU to have them running Muggle companies -- even in America.

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Friday 27th February 2009 4:07am

I think you used Flamel's name too much, but that's just my opinion. I enjoyed the action, both the political and the Death Eater attack.
Too bad Florence didn't draw her wand, she needs to end up like her son, only worse. Oh well, I guess I shouldn't get too hung up on vengeance. But she's worse than Umbridge.

ironau posted a comment on Thursday 26th February 2009 11:52am

I just finished reading this story for the first time. Like everything on fanficauthors.net it is very well written.

I'm only left wondering when Harry will realize that his "Lessons" on defense are actually selling Mongered spells via the news paper.

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Thursday 26th February 2009 7:46am

Why would Katie be any different than Angelina, Olvier, Marcus, etc. who played (and captained) in the NEWT year? That's just odd, even with her being Head Girl (Wasn't Harry's Dad both a Quidditch star and Head Boy?). Just because you wanted to introduce something unique and have Ginny captain (by the way, it's her OWL year, shouldn't she bow out?).
The politics is interesting, but appears quite AU to me. I find it disturbing that Fudge could in anyway remain minister after the fiasco at the end of 5th year. Even more disturbing is the notion that the Prophet could think to get away with such blatant lies. As bad as government accountability is in JKR's version, it is even worse here.
I've made comment elsewhere about the number of students; I'll just remind that the Harry's dormitory is labeled 5th Years, making it the sole one, so there's only 5 male Gryffindors in Harry's year; if that's an accurate average, then there's no where near 1000 (5 x 2 x 7 x 4 = 280)

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Wednesday 25th February 2009 11:15pm

I know I've left a review before, but may I add another comment. The attack on Bulstrodes seems odd to me. Voldemort attacks those who oppose him -- Muggleborn, Halfblood, or Pureblood. He also makes alliances that are suitable to him, Giants and Werewolves, for example, that even on a generous reading are clearly antithetical to a true "Pureblood" agenda (note the treatments of Hargrid when he is found to be half-Giant and Remus when his being a Werewolf is outed). In canon it seems obvious that the only ones Voldemort fools with the "Pureblood agenda" is the Pureblood supporters he needs to accomplish his goals (note how they are taken by surprise that Voldemort is Riddle, a Halfblood, and how the Malfoys become reluctant supporters). I cannot see Voldemort ordering any of his supporters destroyed. He's covering up his Muggle father, why would he be so disturbed by a Muggle grandmother who is no longer alive ("had been" a muggle not a squib)? This vehicle for Millicent's joining Harry might work better if it is the action of Pureblood zealots who stumble upon the information and act without Voldie's approval (and so are subsequently punished?). Remember "a house divided against itself cannot stand; if Satan casts out Satan he cannot stand" (pardon the loose quotation).

dennisud posted a comment on Monday 23rd February 2009 11:54am

This has been 3 days of solid reading for me when not working. I like this world you have created yet a few of the characters are IMHO underused.

Luna given her unique perspectives as well as more from the DE camp might make things even more interesting.

Overall I love the plotline and how Harry has developed here.

as has been said you have laid the foundation well, we now need to dee more action and a bit more speed in the timeline.

dennisud

GryffindorDragon posted a comment on Monday 23rd February 2009 8:47am

"Having you unavailable has made the schedule tight today." - ?? If Dumbledore is using Luna and Ginny, non-Paladin participants for visits, why would the schedule become tight? Dumbledore would simply not have to use Ginny or Luna for a visit, right?
I like the translating Magnifying Glass -- seems very creative.
Would David be given care of the sheep alone at such a young age? He was probably well into his teens then.

DJ posted a comment on Sunday 22nd February 2009 10:11am

Great fic I just reread the whole story. I have a question can you tell me with chapter Harry go in to Busines together? I only saw it in this last chapter. Thanks so much for writting.

dennisud posted a comment on Sunday 22nd February 2009 5:51am

Why is Luna's letter put so out of place within Harry's talk with Mr.Smith?

Just a question!

Jim_xinu posted a comment on Sunday 22nd February 2009 5:16am

Good chapter, thanks for sharing it with us.

Laura Wagner posted a comment on Saturday 21st February 2009 5:12am

Congratulations on another great chapter! This one had a nice combination of various scenes that moved the story along a lot. I also liked the ending because it ended stongly and gave me something to think about while I wait for another chapter :)

Vyrexuviel posted a comment on Wednesday 18th February 2009 12:17pm

One of the most well-thought-out Harry Potter fanfics I've ever read. Intriguing, thought-provoking, and an engaging read! I hope to see new chapters of this fic up soon!

stealacandy posted a comment on Wednesday 18th February 2009 7:33am

Hello,

I skimmed through this story, would like to read it sometime in the future when I have the time.

Just wanted to know, how do I submit it for alerts? Can't seem to find anything that says "submit this story to story alerts" anywhere.

Thanks,



-mo